Sunday, November 14, 2010

Afraid of the Pizza Man.....

Art from 
Saman Bemel Benrud

Have you ever been afraid, only to look back at those fears and think how silly it all was? I used to be afraid of calling the pizza place (insert name of favorite pizza restaurant here). Crazy isn't it?  My mom can vouch for me here. I was such a chicken about weird things.  I would beg her to call  "please don't make me call" what if I get the order wrong, or call the wrong place, or I could forget our address. Dumb. I have had fear, uncertainty, anxiety in my life. It wasn't just the pizza. I was always afraid of failing (and still am most of the time), when I let someone down, even if unintentionally I get physically sick. I beat myself up. I come out of that battle with my self doubt all battered and bruised. It isn't a pretty sight. 
I have to remind myself that the only person I should really be afraid of letting down is myself. Asking myself... if you don't do this _______, will you regret it? If you don't be true to yourself will you look back and wonder why you were such a chicken? I have to ask myself these questions on a daily basis. I have to look at my life and ask, am I happy? I hate fear. YES HATE. It hinders you in finding your place in this big old world. It holds you back, it makes you feel unworthy, it takes your passion and joy. It is a definite fun-sucker. 
How many of us push back our true desires out of fear? I don't have any delusions of grandeur..... I simply want to be happy. I want love and peace and beauty in my life. 
I want to be my best self around family and friends.  And why am I writing this.... because part of my happiness is seeing others happy too. I want you to be HAPPY! I want YOU to find joy, love and peace. Make everyday count. I know it is hard. I need this pep talk as much as you probably do.  I am cheering for you and me. Maybe tonight I will order pizza.

Carrie Lee


Barbara said...

Thanks for the pep talk! It's good to be reminded sometimes that life isn't always something to be afraid of. Full steam ahead!!

Hugs XX

LA-Laurie said...

I had to laugh when I saw this post. I could almost see you begging me not to make you call for pizza...I sometimes miss that little insecure teenager you once were. But I sure am proud of the wonderful woman you are now.

Faerie Moon Creations said...

I have done similar things, too. Fears are often not rational. I do not like elevators. I hate to go on them - I'd rather walk up 14 flights of stairs. Besides, walking is good for you. LOL And pizza is good for you, too (truly). So be happy and call that pizza guy - and I'll think of you as I squeeze my eyes shut the next time I must indeed ride an elevator! Theresa

Carrie Lee said...

So glad I am not the only one Theresa!
And yes, Barbara, life isn't to be feared but celebrated!!!
And thank you Mom..... I love you. xo