I had a tummy bug. It was very unpleasant... but it is gone as quickly as it came. Very happy about the swift departure. This weekend was LOOOOOOOOONG..... not in the good sense.
So I was thinking..... a lot. I tell you what, I become quite the philosopher when left alone to do nothing but be with me, myself and I. I am not sure it is a good thing.... so what is it about thinking of our existence that makes us feel so small? I see the world still at its beginning... we are all still hatchlings in an ever changing world. I see a world full of hurt and turmoil... yet full of beauty and hope. Our existence is an oxymoron. I cried this weekend.... over commercials about 'saving the children' over movies that had joy and grief.... hey.... the t.v. is filled with emotion right now... which I was in close proximity to (my bedroom and the bathroom were an absolute necessity with this bug... eeeewwwwwwwwww!). I was in a pitiful state. People don't see me cry. AND... I don't see 'real' people cry. I feel guilty about the fact that I was a pathetic mess this weekend. And all I have are more questions? WHY, WHY.... why. Why this and why that. I am an infant. I little child confused at every turn.
THEN I say to myself... CRY.... WEEP...... LAUGH..... SING. What are you worried about? Stop asking for permission to feel..... stop sedating yourself and being so damn complacent!! I will not make excuses for having feelings. I have to stop. WE HAVE TO STOP. I am living in a world that is so worried about having the wrong emotion....or the wrong feeling, that in our care to control ourselves we have lost all ability to feel, unless we are unattached and separated in a dark room looking into the a bright screen with our hands coiled into themselves for the nearest comfort.
I had to get that off my chest.... we have self doubt and fear.... we have passion and imagination. As human as it gets. Complex and undeniably full of wonder and magic. Pleeeeeaaase, don't lose your magic.... your light. Sparkle and glimmer on ..... into your life.... be glorious.... be beautiful. When you are, you give a little bit of your light to someone else... to help them shine. And... I am still working at this part... BE TRUE.... BE YOU.
I am going to go now and step outside and look at the night sky.... imagine what it would feel like to fly..... and dream about lovely things that make me happy...
In the mean time..... I leave you with this to help you along....
   “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” | |
 santiz
|
xoxo
Carrie
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